You know, every know and again I feel like actually posting something, be it in the journal or the gallery, but I always change my mind as I'm about to do it. Either out of laziness or insecurity, I don't know.
That really does describe my "artwork". I seem to rapidly jump from "I can't do this. It's too hard." to "Ohmygawrd! So many ideas! Gotta draw!" and vice-versa. Sometimes I look back at my work and go: "How da fauq did I do that?". But more times than not I can't stand to look at it for more than a few days. I just seem to notice more and more mistakes and missed opportunities as time goes on. In a way, I'm kinda pleased with myself being able to recognize my faults and be able to grow from them. But on the other hand, I wish I could be confident enough with my drawings, you know? But then again, it would be arrogant of me to expect greatness right of the bat without putting any effort into it. I often find myself looking back at my scribbles of yesteryear, staring at it with both marvel and disapproval. Most of the content on my page is crap in my eyes. The thought of deleting it all has crossed my mind several times, but I know if I did that there would almost never be anything there to be seen. If I ever shape up and actually achieve something, I would like for people to be able to trace back my steps and become more encouraged to pursuit their own dreams. But I'm getting ahead of myself (again).
Anyways, yeah, I have been drawing more extensively in the last month or so. Mostly sketches, yes, but at least it's something. I'm desperately trying to find my own personal style and I'm not sure if I have found it yet. As a little kid I could just draw what was on my mind directly on the paper without think about things such as anatomy, lighting or expression. I can not merely do one thing decently and half-ass the rest, as I often did in the past. Maybe it sounds like I have outrageously high standards, but I really do enjoy working on something when I know I'm giving it my all. Sadly, this also means that it takes hours upon hours to finnish a relatively simple piece. Quality over quantity, I say (I use the term quality very loosely).
Another fact that I noticed is that I seem to be creating far less characters that I used to. Not too long ago, every other day I would have a new person pop up in my head. I think I'm now at the stage where I'm trying to develop and further explore my stories and their possibilities, as opposed to just making them for the sake of making them. Some of them I have never even tried to develop all that much, mostly due to being too busy with trying to design about a dozen more at the same time. And every time I do settle on how I want them to be (both design-vise and personalty-vise), a few months later I have already changed my mind. This is a serious problem that I've been trying to reconcile for a long time. And while I would like to say I was making progress, that seems like wishful thinking.
So yeah, maybe I'll be posting something soon. Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps. Perchance. Who the fuck knows? I surly don't!